I love thinking
Having a brain and being able to think and change your mind and go through different phases of ideas and thoughts is such a blessing. It's so easy and tantalizing to turn my brain off but so rewarding and fulfilling to exercise it. It's incredibly hard to be by myself and choose to challenge myself mentally honestly or physically for that matter but it genuinely is something that I enjoy. Maybe I'm too social for my own good. Like I could either sit and think about what parts of capitalism I do and don't like and whether a better alternative exists and how any of that could play out or I could scroll reddit or youtube or instagram and potentially see something funny or relatable enough to send someone else to potentially start a conversation. I wish it was more normalized to intensely research and discuss topics casually with friends and acquaintances. I think that's why it's so much easier for me to do it with my bf. I enjoy speaking to my friends but lately it's felt a bit shallow I suppose, gosh I sound pretentious like you read one half a philosophy book and now you're too good to laugh at AI charlie kirk slop, I'm literally being the jaden smith meme rn :sob: "ugh can we talk about the political state oft he world right now" but like period like can we???? Maybe my million dollar idea is going to be reddit and or twitter but like its just for people to post discussion/debate topics and to go at it with others. I think i learn best through debating this kinda ties back to what i was saying before. Learning to me is really the most fun when it's social and when it isn't i'd probably rather chud-max. So i either have to get over that or create some way to do that with ppl who aren't my bf bc i cant just always be doing that with him (unfort). I've been watching a lot of religious debates like 4 christians vs 4 jews and stuff and i've been learning a lot from those but its like the only educational videos i can watch are two ppl debating each other lol. is this even a problem? that i only really wish to learn socially? is that strange of me? I feel like there is no space for the intellectual extrovert at least it is not present in media. When you think of an intellectual you think of you know like dark libraries, quiet museums, the corner of a coffee shop, a shut in, reading and consumed by their love for learning. When you think of an extrovert you think of groups and clubs and parties. People hardly seem to mix the two things together. Where's the like idk educational rave or something ok that seems extreme but like do you know what I mean? I think the absolute closest to what i want I can possibly get is trivia but even that is just like idk disjointed random useless information. I want to go to a lecture that is very discussion heavy. Go to a "concert" of sorts where its idk 30 people in a circle at desks and 5 masters of certain thoughts are the acts and like the first person goes and then all the strangers discuss it and then it happens for all five like how hype would that be. This is too abstract. I'm going to need to find something to rectify this in the meantime. I guess just keep watching debates (actual good faith intelligent on both sides debates do not think im on here watching steven crowder change my mind slop or something stupid) on youtube and also commit to reading every night. I really need to read the rest of the philosophy book on objective morality but its just so much more fun when i was taking turns with charles and discussing in between. So maybe I'll stick to Carl and let us continue that later. I also wanna read the bible I'll have to put it on my kindle. I think that I heard that if you read 4 chapters a day you finish it in a year. Surely I could commit to that. theres so much in it I dont know and so much misinformation surrounding it. but instead of doing anything i mentioned yet in this post i'm writing this post. which is at least a better use of my time than binge watching youtube shorts on the toilet which is what I was doing about an hour and a half ago. I must remember, the goal ultimately is just to be better than I was yesterday and my tiny phone has helped A LOT. I need to keep that momentum going. anyways i think that all ive got for right now love u bye